I TRIED FINDOM AND MADE $0: A CAUTIONARY COMEDY
Okay. Gather 'round. Let me tell you about the time I thought I was gonna get rich by being mean to men on the internet.
If you don't know what findom is — it's "financial domination." Basically, guys PAY you to boss them around, take their money, and treat them like garbage. That's... that's the whole thing.
And I thought: I'm broke. I'm bossy. I have internet access. This is my calling.
SPOILER: It was not my calling.
I made profiles. I studied what other findom girls were doing. I learned the lingo. I got my "bow down, pay me, you pathetic wallet" energy ready.
You know what happened?
Absolutely fucking nothing.
Turns out, findom is a SATURATED market full of women way meaner and way hotter than me, with professional lighting and Amazon wishlists longer than my arm.
And the men? The ones who actually PAY?
They're not just looking for any bossy bitch. They're looking for THEIR bossy bitch. It's like a weird, specific, parasocial relationship thing. They want consistency, domination, and apparently a lot of dick ratings.
I was not prepared to rate that many dicks.
Also — and this is the part nobody tells you — most of the "subs" sliding into your DMs aren't actually subs. They're time-wasters who want free sexting and call it "serving."
Sir. You are not serving. You are annoying.
I tried making my profiles more vanilla to cast a wider net. That just attracted regular horny dudes who definitely weren't paying anybody.
So there I was: multiple profiles, zero dollars, inbox full of unsolicited pics, questioning my entire life.
The findom era lasted maybe three weeks before I rage-quit and deleted everything.
Lessons learned:
Findom is a real job and it's harder than it looks
I am not dominant enough to fake it for money
There are a LOT of dicks on the internet and I've seen too many of them
Get-rich-quick schemes are never quick and rarely rich
Anyway. I'm writing a book about it. Because if I can't make money DOING findom, maybe I can make money ROASTING myself for trying.
Stay tuned.
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